I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
