so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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