Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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