When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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