I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
