So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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