i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
