I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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