The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
