Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
