So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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