Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
