If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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