My pussy is not your playground.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
