dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
