i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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