hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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