Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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