i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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