FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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