i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
