brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i need an iv and a liver transplant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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