So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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