you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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