Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
