I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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