she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
