I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
