No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
