all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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