can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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