To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
