told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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