"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
