I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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