dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
