Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
