Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We had sex on a dog bed..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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