How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
