my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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