I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
