I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
