they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
