dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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