i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
