Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
