Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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