whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
