shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
