So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
