I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
